Letter to a Grumpy Neighbor

Dear Mean Lady who lives on the next block:

I don’t know you. You don’t know me, either, but that didn’t prevent you from accosting me on my walk last weekend. You might remember me: it was Sunday afternoon, and I was still in my church clothes, walking with my tweenaged daughter and our little dog, too.

You must not get many dog-walkers on your street, because when you saw us, you apparently saw an opportunity to right a great injustice done to you in the past. While we stopped on the sidewalk in front of your house so my daughter could tie her shoe, you opened a second-story window and proceeded to stare at us through the shoe-tying process, cordless phone in hand, perhaps ready to call the police on us for loitering.

Once my daughter’s shoes were tied, we started down the street again.

“Excuse me,” you bellowed from your lofty perch.

I turned around. “Yes?”

“Did that dog leave a mess on my lawn?” you demanded.

I smiled, taken aback. “No,” I replied cautiously. “My daughter was tying—“

“Well I’ve had to clean up a mess on my lawn and I haven’t been very happy about it,” you interrupted. “Do you clean up after that dog?”

I stared at you in the window, trying to find the right words to ease your fears while simultaneously defending my and Maisy’s honor. Finally, I just pulled a plastic bag out of my jacket pocket and showed it to you.

“And if that dog made a mess, you would clean it up?” you demanded.

“Yes, of course,” I replied.

“I hope so,” you said, grudgingly, suspiciously, and shut the window.

Now, I don’t know what kind of day you had, Mean Lady. I don’t know whether your dog mess issue was a one-time incident or a chronic problem. I don’t know whether you stubbed your toe right before seeing us, or if you had a fight with your sister or if you missed your happy pills for the day. I don’t know what prompted you to single me out, other than the fact that I happened to be walking a dog by your house.

But allow me to speak on behalf of responsible dog owners everywhere: we leash our dogs, as you could see last Sunday. We don’t let them run all over your lawn. We carry appropriate equipment to clean up crappy situations, and we know how to use it. And, because I know that’s not enough for you, let me state unequivocally that we clean up after our dogs, even when it’s cold, or raining, or dark.

As for irresponsible dog owners, what can we say? They’re a different animal. And there’s no accounting for strays, but they aren’t our problem, are they? I would be upset to find a mess on my yard, too, but wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that any leashed dog walking by was the responsible party. After all, that one dog isn’t the only canine in Milton, right?

So, Mean Lady, the next time you see someone walking her dog by your house, consider the possibility that out of all the dogs in the world, that particular one may not be, in fact, the one who left a smelly calling card on your lawn. And maybe you could adjust your attitude, while you’re at it, because it really stinks.

Sincerely,
Julie Fay

P.S. Maisy says she won’t hold your grumpiness against you, and she didn’t even get to vent about it in a column. Good girl.